Whilst traveling there are really long periods of waiting. For planes, trains, other people. You never really see that side of it in the photos, or hear about it in stories despite it taking a considerable portion of your day sometimes. Mostly because it's not very interesting externally. Hah imagine that, "Okay so today we are sitting on the train from Austria to Poland. The chairs are checkered and two-toned blue and sink in a bit; not firm as I prefer it." How do I spend my time? In ascending order of time spent (but not in importance): talk, chess, pray, listen to music, write.
Oh I so love writing. At all times of the day and well into the night, as long as possible. I write stuff down constantly now. I'd always liked it as a kid, but used to write because someone made me do it, or to get grades I wanted.
I'd started so many diaries, but never lasted longer than a few months because I found it so pointless because I knew nobody would read them, or because I'd get frustrated on the days when I had nothing of interest to write. Most of all, i didnt know which chapter of my life to start with. If it was online it's sort of designed to be read. And that was scary. I couldn't get over writing the "perfect first post", the "About me" (whoever invented that question!), or the font and background and even the name. I'd been inspired by lots of different blogs and wanted a set style/genre to write about. I think this one only worked because I didn't even make it ha. Sometimes you just need an initial push to force you to be indifferent about that stuff. Write a crappy first post because it was all pride that stopped you. And I'm glad I got one. So thank you to the other half of this soggy blog.
The first essay I ever wrote was in Year 7 about The Hobbit and I had a cry because I got 4/10. I couldn't understand why. This one had such clear, beautiful and succinct phrases. I now know exactly why. For starters, I'd retold the story. I'm aware that I do that a lot even in this blog. Re-telling is apparently boring for markers. You have to analyse. Say the why of it, and develop your point.
Re-telling is by no means useless though! It just has a time and a place, and a favourite medium. For me it's during conversations because I can add emotion and excitement. You can do this to an extent in writing, but it's one-way. If you want to re-tell to friends, you of course want them to be entertained because you actually care what they think. So you look out for verbal cues and non-verbal cues in facial expression and body language. This you can only measure during live conversation. You get to use your intuition to perceive things. Ask for prudence. Use judgement accordingly for when to stop or continue. The written word, powerful as it is, can only do so much because humans are objectively such social beings. More on this another day.
Anyway, now I enjoy the writing process itself. They're exercises that force you to try to develop your thoughts so it's not left hanging, or as incoherent. It forces me to be more decisive about what I actually think because the evidence is printed there. With writing, you are forced to try and actually answer your own questions instead of leaving it open. If you don't have any answer, you can get back to it. If it's just in my head it feels so useless. I love punctuation and paragraphs. They're so beautiful. Separating ideas and categorising them. Moving them around. I love editing.
You know that there's a box that patiently asks for the heading, so you try to draw a common theme from what you've already written. Or if you haven't started writing, you work towards what that heading says. Not precisely though, because that's no fun. You can even change it afterwards, but the point is there's a focus. Writing forces my mind to to concentrate on topics that are preferably neutral or positive. If I don't, it'll wanders too aimlessly about.
The second reason I'd failed that essay was because it was just too rigid. I followed her guidelines far too strictly. I remember NERQ (Name, Explain, Relate, Quote) and that's how I structured every paragraph, in that order. It just didn't flow. I started doing better in my essays when I got rid of the boxy scaffolds and just made mind maps instead, keeping NERQ as a checklist after already having written what I wanted. Oh and I got rid of Q. Just explain the point yourself.
In conclusion (ha) writing's such a good way to express yourself, and is my creative and social outlet here. My favourite type of thinking is thinking by "doing" (stuff). Before writing, I'd always thought out loud with other people, which was why I drew so much energy from being around people (extrovert). That point sounds so selfish.. So I just use people to get my own thoughts across?
These are things I just have to let out but can't talk about aloud, because there is a very real barrier between me and Anna that prevents me from saying anything. And it's cool because nobody's being forced to listen and feign interest in their faces. Blogging you also get to read at your own time so it's like a "convenient" friendship.
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