(Christina) Scrabble.

Yes, my blog names are getting worse. They are starting to not even make sense to me.

Ok so at the moment I don’t think it would be a good idea to try and string words together in a comprehensable way. I am also increasingly falling in love with writing lists.

So I will write some mumbojumbo things and see if sense can be made out of nonsense. I don’t think so, unless the sense was already there to start off with and was just hidden under apparent nonsense.

- Friends, balance, schoolwork                       

- Thanking God for taking care of me and giving me so much hope, clarity and positivity the past few weeks.

- Slapping oneself in the face when feeling hopeless and focusless. Hm that reminds me.. let me see if i can find that picture of an orange walking the wrong way. Found it. Look at his feet, they are facing backwards. I find it appealingly confusing.                               

- Never complain unless it is amusing or the other person can relate and therefore feel interested and can contribute to a conversation instead of a monologue.    

- Never bitch, it comes back to haunt you.   

- Give yourself a set amount of work to get done; goals promote tenacity          

- Exercise daily. It does wonders to your mental energy.

- Don't get into arguments with people; learn to laugh at oneself and remember that it looks important to make your point now, but retrospectively it is not important enough to outweigh the importance of maintaining peace.

- Learn to love the taste of humble pie    

- Eat what I want because I hate anal dieting retards  

- rubix cube    

- coffee             

- early nights   

- early mornings         

- productivity              

- getting in trouble from friends and family for being pathetic at keeping in touch

- praying (why the hell did I take so long to write this one)     

- this list is deteriorating. I'm not sure how to categorise it now.     

- mass  

- falling asleep during mass              

- talking in sign language to toddlers in mass

- Suddenly ignoring the toddlers and breaking their hearts during the consecration

- Swallowing pen lids 

- Avoiding my chemistry lab instructor because I don’t know why, but he makes me nervous, and I say things that are stupid when I am around him. For example,

Him: ‘Christina, have you finished? Why are you leaving?’

Idiot: ‘Oh no I am not have I have not yet finished my labrador …sorry laboratory, I am just going to get my calculator from outside my bag…sorry its actually inside my bag which is outside the room to calculate this calculate.. sorry calculator..no sorry calculation.’

Then again,

Him: ‘Hello Christina! Did your copper solidify?’

Idiot: ‘Yes.’

Him: ‘Where is it, I need to see if it worked.’

Idiot: ‘I mistook it for instant coffee and I mixed it with hot water and drank it.’

Him: ‘You’re a crunchy. Blonde on the inside, you know.’

Idiot: ‘No, now I’m reddish brown on the inside, because I drank copper.’

Ok, that second conversation was a bit edited, I got carried away.

This is the reason why it is always safer to convince oneself that one hates everyone; as soon as you like someone, you are a complete delinquent.

He also passed me as i was walking back from gym one day all sweaty and looking stoned, and then as if it couldn’t get worse, a bird shat on my arm just as I passed him.

Its like, maybe nature is telling me he is gay or something to save me the hassle of finding it out for myself.

Because I cant imagine nature would be ruining my chances out of spite; I am on Nature’s good side.

Apart from ripping off leaves and branches while walking past them, and stepping on ants, and watering the pot plants with turps.

(Fyi, I don’t actually like my chemistry lab demonstrator, I just like his nose and strange mannerisms that remind me of Where’s Wally. But it is enough to make me aware of my blunders infront of him, and my patheticness entertains me)

I should probably go and do my maths. I love maths, like every single time I sit down with my maths book I am in awe as to how concise and bloody neat it all is; and how there is absolutely point blank zero ‘learn by immersion’ or extra wordy sort of crap that you need to bother about.

What is the opposite of bullshit? It is that.

Hahahaha lol jokes im stuck on the first question. I hate maths, what is the point.

Burn by Elle goulding is a damn good song. Also, ‘settle down’ by kimbra.

Thankye one and all for reading.

When you have so much to write so you quote someone else instead

"What's on your mind?" asks Facebook curiously. The cursor blinks and waits almost too patiently. 

Twelfth Chapter: The Value of Adversity

"IT IS good for us to have trials and troubles at times, for they often remind us that we are on probation and ought not to hope in any worldly thing. It is good for us sometimes to suffer contradiction, to be misjudged by men even though we do well and mean well. These things help us to be humble and shield us from vainglory. When to all outward appearances men give us no credit, when they do not think well of us, then we are more inclined to seek God Who sees our hearts. Therefore, a man ought to root himself so firmly in God that he will not need the consolations of men." 

(Imitation of Christ)

But long 'doing' post for next time I promise. I'll see if I can catch up, and add lots of adjectives and even throw in a picture (yayness!)

Faces

Rome is pretty cool. I keep imagining the native modern locals as their ancient counterparts. What profession they would have had if they were born a couple of thousands of years previous. The tattoo guy would obviously have been a gladiator, or a military commander with his macho arms and Greco-Roman nose. Yeah I could definitely picture him in a man-dress. Others I can just see sitting on a black person and yawning whilst popping olives in their mouths and wearing leafy headbands on their heads. I don't understand the beggars' Italian but it all sounds the same, much like "Beware the Ides of March". In some of these people you can sort of picture a modern day genius. You might be seeing the closest live faces to da Vinci and Michelangelo.

Talking rubbish, here have a picture

(Christina) worst blog, not funny or cool. read it anyway or il get my mafia cousins onto you

So I have been very much putting off posting. I realise that the longer I wait to post something, the less likely it is that I will end up posting.

Also i am reading chelectricity's posts and she is having a damn good time on the other side of the world and i don't think my happenings are really very exciting compared to climbing arnold shwortsnigga mountains. Stupid last name, i decided to spell it phonetically as any 19 year old kindergarten student would. 

Anyway so how have you been Penna!?

How is uni, what are you studying, what is life like now that you are back to normal Penna like you were just before January this year began to make you a big fat emotional screw up.

Well! I am so back on track and it is insanely good. Not that I enjoy studying, or am in any way successful at it.

Nope, im already horribly behind and spend a lot more time ‘cleaning up’ and dancing to music than I do at my desk.

I also sleep on my desk, and study on my bed. It works better this way since I have more motivation to do something when i am not meant to be doing it. So i can only sleep when I'm meant to be studying and vice versa.

Anyways, the difference between being a shitty student and being a quitter student is that I have made a decision to do a science degree and come out as a maths or chemistry teacher, so I've progressed from quitter to shitty.

It was a profession I was always bent on doing as a kid, then I got unexpectedly high marks at school and thought it was ‘beneath me’ to be a teacher.

Stuff you, ego.

Whatever excuses I made for ‘wanting to do something harder than teaching’, like ‘oh I want to reach my full potential’ etc were all lies to avoid the truth that I thought I was made for bigger and better things.

I now have a goal that is reachable for a normal human being like i now see i am. I also have a crapload of units to catch up on, since I started mid year and want to double major in chemistry and maths. I have to do summer school, meaning I cant go away. I will live with Georgia at the flat again, and study on the beach.

Last time I did that I got sand through my calculator and it now tells me everything I enter is an error.

I am still jittery and anxious because that is the way I will always be but deep down I have a huge peace with God. I realise that the struggle that time ago was necessary. I don’t even know why, but it has made me come out a more realistic, less perfectionistic person.

Perfection lies in the other world, not this one, and it burns us out to become nuts over searching it. God gives wisdom and understanding in his own time.

Even now, I could stress as I used to about study, about being a teacher, my flaws, how I’d hate this and that about it, about next year and who I live with and things.

But I sort of entrust it to God. It doesn’t provide a solution to your search to trust in God; he wont drop a lightbulb on your face. But being in the dark means he wants you to wait for him to lead you out eventually, but not when you choose. Half the time you don’t even know what is happening til after its happened. Like now. Why cant I concentrate on any of my work?

I am seriously so slow in the brain. I am doing stuff I aced in year 11 and taking a whole day to get through 1 question.

Plus this is meant to be a degree that is below my level, according to HSC.

Does he want me to learn humility?

I don’t know. I am just gonna plod on and I will see later on, looking back. You don’t have to know how God is taking care of you, for him to take care of you.

Ohhhhhhhh hahaha crap. Im going to the warrane ball. Crap. Why do I get myself in these situations. I hate getting dressed up. I will have to find a dress and argh my hair these days

That fringe is growing out BUT ITS GROWING STRAIGHT how the HELL could straightening it all of last year make the dna change permanantly….!

So last night I was a bit hyperactive and jittery and I was just eating a carrot at 3am and solving my rubix cube when all of a sudden I hear the washing machine song whining away. And I think, ok someone broke into creston to do their washing. I better go save the day and reduce our water costs by busting them.

So I get up from sitting on the heater and put on a couple of jumpers and venture out of my room

Oh wait I give up on that story

Its really late and im tired as anything

This is quite an imcomplete post

Let me quickly tell you some other things. It wont take long I promise because currently my hand is close to getting a cramp because the laptop is in a weird spot on my pillow and its awkward typing. I could move it but yeah no

Ummm things

So

1.     I’m now officially a gym junkie; I go for an hour a day and im sort of addicted and could potentially end up spending the majority of my day there if im not careful and then il come out in summer time with protruding ribs.

2.     I go til Im close to fainting. If I don’t use up all the energy I have I don’t sleep that night, so I really have no choice. Like today, I didn’t get to go, so now my brain and eyes are tired as shit but my legs wont stop moving; I feel like sprinting.

3.     I am so incredibly grateful for my friends. I still wonder how it is that a little boring self conscious awkward introvert like me could be given such a deep level of friendship with people whose characters are so beautiful.

4.     I have no friends at uni as of yet. I go into my lectures biased though; I purposely sit apart from them all.

5.     The only time I decided to be sociable, I ended up talking to an indie girl who immediately jumped on the fact that I quit medicine, told me she is desperately spending her energy on getting in, and told me I am an idiot for losing this opportunity that only comes to a select few of the world.

6.     We had an hour d and m on life and then we parted; me leaving her with doubt about her decision to do medicine, and her leaving me with doubt about my decision to leave it. Neither of us even exchanged names, we just said bye and all the best. Hah weird. I went home and punched the pillow and ate a carrot, and did a few pushups; I was angry at myself for quitting medicine.

7.     Party this weekend, shit what do I wear what do I get for a gift

8.     Warrane ball in a few weekends, shit why did I say yes, what do I wear, how do I act sociable and walk in heels, how do I do my hair

9.     Im behind in my work, im behind in my work argh I wake up feeling guilty but hey its ok just keep working; im slow but my brain will catch up; put more effort come on penna

10. That’s it im going to sleep

Milan

Italy has always been up there with France as most exciting European places to visit pre-departure. All those years of high-school education - Classical studies, Latin, Ancient History, Religion. All of this has instilled in me a desire to see what's become of the once greatest ancient Empire of all time. I'm excited for Rome, The Eternal City. Home also to the oldest organisation comprised of humans in the world, the Catholic Church. I'm curious to see how close modern Italy comes to my expectations. I'm so excited.

For such a short stay it's vital to watch out for stereotypes.

• Our hotel had a beautiful view overlooking the typical Italian street that was Via Copernico. I found the most exciting gelato place nearby. After counting 80 different flavours of gelato, I ordered the Donatella one without even asking for a sample because the name sold itself and it looked like it was somehow derived from chocolate…
• Cars are small and many are two-seaters. Not very family-oriented and not something I particularly admire because personally I call it a 'selfish' car. I don't think I'd be friends with anyone who owns one of those – well at least until I get my own driver's license.
• On a quiet street it somehow seemed necessary for a lone car on the road to skid past and zoom at the corner past the pedestrian crossing, because that's how he rolled. 
• Hand gestures are not that universal. This is not a body language I am familiar with and the polizia can frequently be found doing some of these whilst killing time chatting on their mobile phones. I think they’re talking about how he likes his lasagna. I did see a guy put up his middle finger at the skidding guy -now there's a language I understand.
• I also don't know if cars come with built-in wolf-whistles. 

The next day I stuffed myself as usual with the included buffet breakfast - the stand out being the amazing cafe latte that I just got from the machine! We walked to the city centre, and of course went to see the beautiful Duomo. One of the oldest in the world. The funniest thing happened and we tried to get in at two different entrances, denied each time for "inappropriate dress" -Anna's shorts, and my sleeveless top. I actually was sort of angry because I’d thought I was pretty modest, given that the straps covered most of my shoulders. I'm really going to have to re-think my modesty standards though, probably with a bit more humility. It's funny because in my experience, if you asked security guards for anything in English, they literally just give you a pretty scary "wtf" face. Like why-do-you-even-bother face. Haha I can't even describe it in words. Nevertheless we went to the nearest Zara and had another excuse to go shopping.

From there we did a walking route for the ancient landmarks of the city. Unfortunately, it was a Lunedi and for the most part, were all closed, which was such a disappointment for our only full day in the city, but we continued despite the heat. Something that was open was the Basilica of St Ambrose, and that was fantastic. I tried to make out some of the Latin in the walls and discovered I'd gone rusty. But one of my favourite things about all these European cathedrals is the fact that a lot of them have crypts. This one was located behind the altar and housed the body of St Ambrose, one of the early Church fathers, laying in between by two martyrs to the faith. The Duomo had some corpses (though masked) as well, flanking the wings of the church, and I just had to note the beautiful Italian leather shoes they had on…

There was also a Leonardo da Vinci exhibition showing at the Piazza della Scala, "Il Mondo di Leonardo" that was on which I reallyy wanted to go to. He’s such an intriguing personality to me. The artist and the inventor! It would feature hundreds of 3D reconstructions, working models of his machines and digitalised restorations of his paintings. Anna wasn't as keen though… Fair enough. I tell myself I will be back.

We finished off the day with dinner overlooking the Duomo, watching people as I ate my delicious dinner of cheesy gnocchi. The Russian dude next to us seemed to be the most annoying customer ever and I wanted to slap him in the face. So needy! So rich! So racist to the Indian waiter! He had his chauffeur and deluxe shopping bags, all topped off with a younger, very busty wife (mistress?). I've picked up  snippets of Tagalog as I walk the streets. There are actually lots of Filipinos here! Residents and tourists, which I hadn't seen much of at all during my stay in Europe. Feeling patriotic and right at home haha.

Uh-oh. There it goes again. The transit officer just gave me the wtf face as he checked my ticket. Tsk tsk. Hand gesture. Chatting to nearby passenger for interpretation. Apparently we're on the wrong train to Rome! The tattooed man from before must have been saying I was on his seat but no hablo italiano... Our ticket was apparently for an express service, and we will be here 5 hours longer than expected! NOOOOOO I don't want a long journey this time… There's already so much we have to do and five days is not enough as it is!!!! We have to wait. Patience. It's part of the whole traveling game I guess. Oh by the way I'd discovered I'd lost a credit card this morning... Ha I'm so bad at this.

Leaving Zermatt

Back in the day, I was one of those kids whose hearts completely broke when their teacher told them clouds were actually composed of gaseous water particles. Don't even dream about being able to sit on them. Cumulus clouds are not the same as floating cotton balls.

Well these past two days we've been at the clouds. I climbed my tallest mountain ever, Mt Schwarzsee, 2588m above sea level! What's on top of a mountain? In our case, you couldn't see much at all. Just cold, white misty cloud everywhere. A dark lake, who knows how deep. Why do people wish for wings to reach the heavens when we've already been given legs? It really is the most exhilarating feeling ever, and I feel like it's an achievement that I deserve some kind of sticker for, more than those primary school ones I got for "being the good girl" or whatever in class (not that I got many of those either)...The gradients were some of the steepest ever; the loose rocks challenging. My legs are more muscular. I laugh when I think about what I used to call my "Basser step calves". I've lost a lot of weight as well, which is really no good. Ribs sticking out in photos. Backpack harness doesn't fit snugly around my waist anymore, with at least three fingers of room. 

That's what happens when you're in Switzerland paying $75AUD per freaking night and don't have enough to budget for food! Ugh I'm so angry that I didn't have enough motivation to help book these hotels. I've been eating two meals a day - the included buffet breakfast, and my lunchy dinner... The latter is usually composed of: 1) a small portion of my 400g of the cheapest Swiss chocolate (my luxury item); 2) a piece of fruit; and 3) a thickly-sliced cold-cut sandwich of salami or bacon, Swiss cheese, and tomato that I make myself during breakfast, and sneakily put in my daypack as provisions for later, under the disapproving eyes of Anna. I like to think of it as an "extended breakfast" and therefore maintain that it's completely ethical.

I've told Anna she's making me a really bad backpacker and I was doing so well being one until she came along. We've even done a post-hike hot tub night, which is such a backpacker no-no, but I needed to make it feel like the $75/night needed to be worth it. Besides, when you're hiking with our kind of equipment (or lack thereof) and my crappy shoes, you're bound to succumb. I think my Vans shoes are actually rly rly intimidating to others to be honest. I really think all the hikers look at me and think: "Like omg she's so pro she doesn't even need hiking poles. She can obviously afford them but she's chosen to leave them at home out of her own free will. She probably gave it to some needy comrade." With my shoes they're thinking: "Wow she can actually hike in those - like who needs these $200 high-tech, perfectly-moulded-for-your-feet ones I have..." Really - that's actually what they're thinking.

Yesterday on our fourth day, Anna had had enough of hiking and decided she wanted to cable-car it up to Gornergrat, which is a beautiful snowy mountain which gives great views of the famous Matterhorn mountain. Problem was that it was about $96 AUD return! Helllll no. Instead I found a good hiking trail to Riffelalp which would also get you a pretty sweet view of the Matterhorn, but for free. Why not? I had all day, the weather was absolutely beautiful. The views were amazing all the way through the hike and peaked (excuse the pun) right at the top. I'd always wanted to hike by myself, and I did pretty well! I stayed up there a fair bit till it got cold and the conversation I was eavesdropping on between initial strangers, a Japanese guy and a Swiss guy, came to an end. The second guy currently lives in Geneva. He comes out here every weekend to ski. He's Protestant but he got married in the Catholic chapel he pointed out yonder because he's "accepting of the faith".

My view of the Matterhorn, from Riffelalp

On my bucket list is to one day mountain bike it up and down. It's something I have neither the skill nor the guts to do at the moment, but I've come across a lot of brave mortals doing it out here and it looks like a lot of fun. Finished the day with a trip to the graveyard. It was the most beautiful graveyard I'd ever seen, and was supposed to be a tribute to some awesome mountaineers that died doing their thing (did you read that as "thaaang"?). Every single grave had vibrantly coloured flowers with some elaborately accessorised with pretty windmills and the like. I was slightly disappointed because I'd semi-expected some tragic/inspiring stories to be written on their gravestones but there was nothing of the sort. It was stupid of me to romanticise their life stories through my imaginative expectations anyway. Death is always tragic yes, but inevitable, so nevertheless I think it's kind of beautiful that they died doing something they love. 

I'm so glad that we've been here to experience the varying weather conditions -sunny, cloudy, rainy... All were wonderful and you could really appreciate the Swiss Alps from all the weather conditions that nature felt like decorating it with that day. Now on the train to my next great adventure: Italy! Don't know where Anna is. Seat next to me is empty because we're moody bitches. Thinking I'm in the wrong carriage too… Looks too comfortable. Why is there a reading light above me? I think I'm in first-class and the transit officer will murder me with Italian hand gestures. I've got a game plan though. When in doubt, say "que".

I'm on top of the World

Went hiking again today! It rained again all morning so we had to wait until that finished, but afterwards we trekked up boulders and the wet alps and thin bridges, reaching points of over 2000 metres, which I think might be among the highest points I've ever reached in my lifetime so far. I liked the feeling of being in the sky/"heavens". We were pretty much on the same level as the clouds, seeing eye to eye with some great mountain points.

It's good to take it in, but don't tell me you won't look down. How else will you see how far you've come? It's such a marvellous sight.