Post 62

Well, my first post from Sydney. And last.

Following on from: "I'm not going to write any more blogs"

Yep. I've been avoiding writing this post for a while now. This post will contradict half the things I have ever written in this blog. If you remember, I quit weeks ago actually writing about feelings etc. and as such had resolved to simply write about interesting things I'd done, as a sort of traveling diary. As I wrote these "interesting things", they sounded even more menial than the former sort, dumbing down some of the best experiences of my life that were so perfect while they lasted. And now after the memories, the best I have are the visuals. The photographs, which I treasure because the pictures take me back. And even though the pictures can't depict everything I ever did, and the smiles are sometimes unnatural, I do look that little bit happier, and that's what I'll remember. The rest, only I can fill in. But that's what's great about it.

Some people can write about normal, even menial, stuff really brilliantly. I cannot even write about normal, brilliant things brilliantly. Since I am no longer traveling, nor doing anything remotely worth reading about (other than the post-travel withdrawals; boredom with normal life; future hopes and plans that, in actuality, might never happen) there will be no more blog posts. Nor even private writing which, for me, intensifies dark thoughts and momentarily fools me into thinking that simply because it's written there, disguised as a more-or-less finished thought-paragraph, that it's somewhat logical. It is not. Writing also forces the thought to remain in the brain longer than it should. Holding that glass of water is not a strain for the ten seconds it takes you to drink it. That same glass would, however, put an unnecessary strain on you should you continue to hold it for ten minutes.

This attempt to block negative thoughts is not limited to writing either. For weeks now, I have abstained from the private listening of music pretty well. Who knew you didn't have to take your earphones everywhere you go? I don't have to Google everything. And prayer? Well. I'll keep that one to myself. I'm trying to be more of a reader too, but the more I read, the more that selfish part of me wants to provide unnecessary input in the form of writing.

I am also weary of having a blog that is open to all the strangers in the world wide web, yet completely unknown to people I would consider real friends. When I meet new awesome people, I sometimes think whether I would show them this blog. The answer's always no. Where's the unity of life? Does that mean they're any less friends? It's not fair to any of them, I don't think. I hate having things to hide; I don't want these things to exist. There's a shame I carry with this blog, even though it always seemed so great writing it because of that mental trance it put me in. I'll stop here before I go on another tangent, and fall into the trap of everything I mentioned in the earlier paragraphs. 

Adios amigos. It was a good run while it lasted.